Two days before you want to serve it (well, one day, in a pinch), wash 500 grams of dried black beans. Cover well with water. Leave to soak overnight.
Next day, drain the beans, rinse. Put in big pot (> 6 litres), covered about a thumbwidth high with fresh water. Add a laurel leave and a meat stock cube. Bring to boil.
In the meantime, dice 250 grams of beef (for stew), 175 grams of pork belly, 175 grams of cured bacon (recipe said pork hand without bones, but you can't get that here on short notice), 300 grams of cured pork loin ("Kassler") without bones. Dice a bit smaller than bite-sized. Cut out the bits you might not want to eat (rinds, other tough parts) in large chunks and add to the pot, their size will allow you to get them out later.
Slice three bratwursts (about 300 grams). Put into the pot. Bring to a gentle boil (don't worry if it looks disgusting, it's the black beans), add water if needed to keep everything barely covered. Turn heat down to a simmer.
Add one teaspoon each of moderately spicy paprika, mild or moderately spicy smoked paprika, garam masala, and curcuma. (Or any types of paprika and curry you like. Must contain cumin.) Add half a teaspoon each of crushed chilies and crushed black pepper.
Dice three onions (or one, or five, however you like it) finely. Dice or crush 3 cloves of garlic (or more). Gently fry in a bit of olive oil until browned (takes at least 15 minutes, might take 30) until browned, then add to pot.
Simmer for one hour with closed lid, then open lid a bit and keep simmering until it starts to dry (= you do not see much fluid when stirring.) Take off the heat and let it cool (or go directly to finishing and serving.)
Next day it should be thick enough to cut it in slices. Stir in a bit of hot water and heat gently on low medium to medium heat. Stir regulary. Add salt to taste (might not be necessary), and a few tablespoons (I suggest 2 or 3) of tomato ketchup (or a mix or tomato paste, vinegar and brown sugar).
While it heats, cook rice. Wash 500 grams of rice, fry in two tablespoons of olive oil. Add water (about 1 litre) and a bit of salt (about 1/2 teaspoon). Bring to boil, stir, then turn the heat off (or to lowest setting if you are using an induction stove) and let it simmer until the water is gone.
Serve with fresh parsley and sour cream, maybe a splash of Worcestershire Sauce.
Feeds 6 to 8.
Edited to fix some copy-paste errors.
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