Choir practise (rant) - The Lyorn's Den
Thu Mar. 5th, 2009
04:33 pm - Choir practise (rant)
Usually, when I have spent three hours singing, I'm high. I might be riddled with self-doubt and deeply discontent with my performance, my competence, my voice, and my general intelligence, but still I'm high, physically, just from music and breathing.
Doesn't happen when I come from choir practise lately, and I blame the room. It's a music room in a school, designed for 30 skinny teenagers sitting more-or-less still and listening more-or-less quietly to the teacher. With 30 adults, most of them not skinny and all making a lot of noise, getting up from their (too small) chairs all the time, it's crowded. Which means, people bump into me all the time. Which I hate, starting on a purely physical level -- it's stressful and it kind of hurts -- and going down (or up, or whatever) to the deep-set conviction that I'm fat and clumsy and take up to much room.
Now you try taking up less room when you're average-tall, somewhat overweight, and surrounded by people who do not seem to care where they put their bodies, surrounded by other people's bags with breakable content, their precariously balanced cups of tea, the floor half-covered with sheet music, in a damn crowded room. I keep all that in mind and try to dodge everything coming my way, and it always ends up with me standing like the tower in Pisa, not moving, and barely able to breathe. Sometimes I remember to relax when a song is over. Sometimes I forget, or lack the space.
Yes, I'm clumsy as hell. I cannot do half of our warm-ups and breathe at the same time. As long as it's only the warm-up, that's OK, I'll relax and breathe correctly as soon as we get to singing. But with that damned crowded room, I get home from choir practise as if I had just spend three hours on a cheap airflight.
Maybe we should do punk. I am OK with pogo -- you're meant to crash into people then, and everyone not taking care of their tea cups has no one but themselves to blame.
And because that's all so completely stupid, I rant about it in my LJ instead of doing something about it. Also, "something" would be finding a different room where we could practise, and I have no idea how to do that.